Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
