peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
