In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We need to get me chipped asap
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
