but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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