Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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