Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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