yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
