remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize