I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
