I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
