Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
