How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
