ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
