He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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