You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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