i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
