I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
