Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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