Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
