I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
