its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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