I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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