Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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