Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
