It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Shame - the story of my life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
