He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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