His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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