Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
