the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
