end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
