Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize