if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
