So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
