weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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