cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
