4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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