Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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