He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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