Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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