My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
