The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
