I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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