The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
