these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
