Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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