i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
