I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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