I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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