I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
