so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
