Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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