I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
