Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We need to get me chipped asap
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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