just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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