Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
