i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
