He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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