I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
