so let's talk penis.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
