I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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