I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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