You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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