That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
