just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
