Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize