her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
