You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
