Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize