Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
