im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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