My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
