no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
