...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
