you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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