I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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