I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
