I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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