Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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