be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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