He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i think i just lost a toe
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
