He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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