I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
