I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
