are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
