Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
