I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
