Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
