i just wanna soil my oats bro
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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