You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
