I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
not ubering you a puppy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize