Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
