I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
