I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
