Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I got her a Nickelback box set.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
