btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
