Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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