He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize