How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
