can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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