god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
