im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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