Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
