Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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