Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
