ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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