I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I look better un-naked...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
