The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
