I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
