I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
